So with the realization that I will soon have a baby in my house along with a busy toddler, a preschooler, running my own company, and a house and husband to take care of... I am starting to wonder what I can do to make this a manageable situation. I fully admit that I have made things way to hard on myself to this point. With both Kyler and Halle I fed or rocked them to sleep for every nap and evening, literally every time they went to sleep. Before and when I had Kyler, I thought the Mom's that laid their children in a crib, shut the door, and let them cry until they went to sleep were mean. With Halle, I started thinking maybe they were not terrible mean but very sane and efficient. With this 3rd baby on the way, I am completely jealous of those that don't let their babies eating and sleeping schedule take up 95% of their day. With two raised infants under my belt, I am ready to change my mentality. I have always heard about the book "BabyWise" and how you should treat it like a Bible for taking care of babies. I know it involves a lot of scheduling, routine making, and possibly crying in cribs (until they get it figured out) Amazon says the following about this book:
"On Becoming Babywise brings hope to the tired and bewildered parents looking for an alternative to sleepless nights and fussy babies. The Babywise Parent Directed Feeding concept has enough structure to bring security and order to your baby's world, yet enough flexibility to give mom freedom to respond to any need at any time. It teaches parents how to lovingly guide their baby's day rather than be guided or enslaved to the infant's unknown needs."
So my question to you is: Have you read this book and do you use the system?
Is it a good system to adopt?
Can I implement it without feeling like a cold and mean Mom?
If you have any feelings or experience in this situation, please share.
11 comments:
I haven't read Babywise, but I do know some moms who absolutely swear by it.
I happen to swear by "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". It is without a doubt one of the best books I've read about sleep schedules and getting your baby on a routine. From what I gather from those who have read both, "Healthy Sleep Habits" is a tad more relaxed about making a rigid schedule. I know that it helped me to see that Everett needed a routine and that I needed sanity.
Just remember, you're not mean or a bad mom if you stop your child from eating too much candy (and they cry about it) and neither are you mean or a bad mom if you make your child get the sleep they need (and they cry about it).
Good luck!!
Hi, You don't know me. I was Kory's roommate at BYU and I have 'stolen' her life and now live in Carlsbad CA with my 3 beautiful children and my hubby Ben. I would absolutely recommend this book. I wish I read it 3 kids ago. In no way do you need to be a mean mom. Just think about this your toddler screams and cries in the grocery store for a candy bar, that's what he wants. like a newborn they want to be cuddle all the time and be put to sleep not put themselves to sleep. So do you parent the toddler different then the baby. do give what they want or what is right.
Healthy sleep patterns affect your health and intelligence and set a pattern for better or not for the rest of your kids life.
Plus the earlier you start the less crying, its all about being consistent. If the baby knows he has to cry for 10 minutes to get you in the room and pick him .. he will.
I didnt get the rigid schedule from reading it. I took away that you follow a pattern all day. You mold the pattern to fit your duties functions. If the baby goes down for a nap at 9 am, you need to leave for soccer at 9:30. . put the baby down for its nap in the car seat.
anyway, I really liked it. It motivated me to make it right with my third. When live is all about balancing and juggling so many peoples lives.
plus I love sleeping through the night, its blissful.
Kim
I really enjoyed this book. I didn't follow it to the tee, but it did help a lot. I think it is definetly worth reading! :)
Hil, I have a friend that swears by Healthy Baby, Happy Child as well because it is less rigid...so I would recommend that. I also picked up the book Helping Your Child Sleep Through the Night for Alli and my life has changed as well. I can actually lay her down at about the same time everyday, shut the door and she falls to sleep with little or no crying. I actually know what to expect during the day, and we all are happier about life here. I say go for it---as a busy mother of three---you'll need all the extra time and sleep you can get!
Hilary, I am one of Clarissa's friends and old roommates and happened across your blog and couldn't help but comment. I used Babywise with my little one and it worked wonders. He slept through the night early on, would go to sleep on his own, and I always knew what he needed when he cried and didnt have to guess if he was hungry or tired.
I remember reading the book and thinking, "okay, get to the point already," but they kinda leave more up to your own interpretation and needs. It is basically feed them, keep them awake, put them to bed. I liked the routine because that works well with my life and I do better with a schedule than I do having to guess or wonder when he will sleep, when he will wake up, when he will be hungry, when he will fuss, etc.
I do have to say though I didnt feel like it was a rigid routine but it takes a little bit to teach your little one, as does anything, but it pays off in the end. I see it as you either dedicate the first couple of months to getting it down or spend longer trying to convince them to sleep.
I think that everyone is different and every child is different. I think it really just boils down to your own preference. I liked the book, it worked for me, I guess it wouldn't hurt to read it. So, that is my opinion, it worked for us, good luck and I am sure you will go a fabulous job!
I was much like you until Anson was about 14 mos., then (living on an average of 4 hrs of sleep a night) I got a similar book, took a dr.'s advice, and did the "mean mom" thing. Best thing I ever did! Anson sleeps 10-11 hrs a night now, and fusses hardly at all when it's time for bed. Routines are from Heaven!
Hi, You don't know me either, but I was trying to find an old friend from school and found your blog soooo, I am going to give you my opinion. I LOVE Babywise. I read it and did it with my now 2 year old and it is the best thing in the world. She slept through the night(9hrs) by day one of week 5 that she was alive. And by 9 weeks she was sleeping 12-13 hours at night with 4 naps in the day. Slowly it tapered off but she is now 2 and sleeps 12-13 hours each night and takes 1, 2 hour nap each day. It has made her a happy, healthy baby and me a sane, well-rested mom! I would definitely recommend this to ANYONE! Good luck! P.S. you can check out my blog or website if you want since I snooped into yours!
www.melandjoe.com
Hil, I love this book. I have used it with both my kids and don't know what I would have done without it. I think it is awesome and I could talk to you for hours about it so call me if you want.
With Jackson, I used it as a "bible" and looking back I wish I wouldn't have relied soley on it and wished I would trusted my instincts a little bit more. Like for instance they say your baby should only cry about a half hour or less. Jackson would cry for an hour and a half.
Anyway, this comment is gettin too long. How about I just call you? Okay, that sounds good.
Ok, I guess my comment wasn't very long compared to the rest, so here is the rest.
I didn't start right off the bat with my babies, making them fall asleep ont their own. I waited a couple of months because I like cuddling with them. And that is not wrong.
As for the Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child book, I have that too, but to me it didn't keep my attention as well because it was a lot more scientific and I just couldn't get through the whole thing. I'm sure it's a great book though.
Also, with the feeding instructions, I wished I hadn't been so strict with Jackson.. meaning I would only let him eat 15 minutes on each side cause the book said that was all he needed. Then I would wonder why he was crying so much and looking back, I think he was still hungry. So I say use it as a guide-and sometimes you have to do things you don't like-but don't make it your bible. Use your mother instincts too.
Wow, this is a great way to get opinions on books isn't it?
Hil,
I have a kind of love/hate relationship with this book. I totally used it as the bible with Kiersty and wish I would have used it as more of a guideline. I stressed out about getting Kiersty on a major routine right after she was born. I think it may have partly been what led me to not have a very good milk supply and eventually give up on the whole nursing thing and go to formula with Keirsty. The routine and schedule did make it so that I could just put Kiersty down to sleep, walk out and she'd put herself to sleep-which was heavenly. Kiersty stopped doing that when she moved from a crib to a bed though-probably because I wasn't as strict with her routine during that process.
Now with Audrey I'm going to try using Babywise as a guideline and rely on my Mom instinct more. We'll see how it works.
Hilary,
I LOVED "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child".
It is my bible. It is the book I recommend above all others. It helped me and Joe with Ruby so much! It helped us make a plan, and stick to it, and to be on the same page (so that we had eachother's support).
I felt the advice was very well balanced and sound. And I could tell that Ruby was such a delightful child because she was well rested. When I see parents struggling with irritable children, I some times think that much of that it avoided with good sleep.
Good luck! I'd totally recommend "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" over Baby Wise (I own and have read both books).
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